Episode 16: What Happened When I Deleted Instagram

Disclaimer

This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for medical, psychological, or professional health advice.

While I’m an IFS informed therapy practitioner, this podcast is not therapy and is not intended to diagnose, treat, or replace individual support.

If anything in this episode brings up something for you, please seek support from a qualified health professional, GP, psychologist, or therapist, especially if you are experiencing distress, disordered eating, or mental health concerns.

Always consult your healthcare provider before making changes to your health, nutrition, or treatment plan.

Taking a Break From Instagram Changed More Than I Expected

Recently I took some time off Instagram, and it genuinely changed a lot more than I expected it to.

I wasn’t doing it to be disciplined with screen time. I wasn’t trying to become some “better person.” And I definitely wasn’t doing it because I think social media is evil.

I took a break because I realised I was letting an app have way too much access to my nervous system.

And what surprised me was this.

It didn’t just make me less distracted.

It changed my presence in my relationship.

It changed my creativity.

It changed my gratitude.

It changed how my inner critic showed up.

It even changed how I saw my appearance, and I didn’t realise how distorted that perception had become until I stepped away.

So I want to share what happened, because I think this will land for you, especially if you’re someone who seems fine on the outside… but underneath you’re tired, overwhelmed, overthinking, comparing, or quietly feeling like you can’t switch off.

Why I Took a Break (And The Red Flag I Couldn’t Ignore)

There were a few reasons I stepped back.

One was my honeymoon.

I shared a little bit on my stories, but not much. I was present. I wasn’t filming everything. I wasn’t trying to turn it into content.

And when I came back, I’d lost around 30 followers.

And honestly, I had a part of me that was like… are you kidding me?

This part was annoyed.

Not because I think anyone owes me a follow.

But because I worked so hard on my socials last year, probably too hard. I didn’t stop when I needed to. I didn’t zoom out. I just kept going.

So to see followers drop while I was literally living my life felt like a moment where my system went:

Why am I giving this app so much power?

And that was the red flag.

Because if I’m letting an app dictate my emotional state, I need to step back.

The Other Reason: Comparison Was Quietly Shifting Me

The other big reason was comparison.

There was a part of me that was comparing myself and my business to other people’s businesses.

Seeing them thriving.

Growing.

Killing it.

And power to them, genuinely.

But the part of me that compares was making it mean something about me.

And I want to say this clearly.

Comparison is human.

You can’t just “stop comparing.”

That advice is honestly useless.

But you can notice when comparison is changing your internal state.

And for me, it was.

It was changing my relationship to my work.

It was changing my energy.

It was changing how I felt in myself.

So I deleted the app off my phone.

The First Thing I Noticed Was Gratitude

This part surprised me.

I wasn’t trying to do a gratitude practice.

I wasn’t journaling.

I wasn’t forcing it.

But within days, I noticed gratitude coming through naturally.

I was grateful for the sun.

My coffee.

My business.

The fact I can work the hours I choose.

I was grateful for where I live.

For the beach.

For my friends.

For the small moments I usually rush past.

And I started noticing my husband more too.

Not in a “he changed” way.

In a “I’m finally present enough to see him properly” way.

And when you’re noticing more, you express more.

And when you express more, the energy in your relationship shifts.

You soften.

You feel closer.

They feel appreciated.

They show up more.

You show up more.

It becomes this beautiful loop.

Life Got Bigger (Because I Got My Attention Back)

This is the part I didn’t expect.

When I stopped consuming everyone else’s lives, my own life got bigger.

Nothing in my life changed.

I just got my attention back.

I was more present on my walks because I wasn’t checking my phone constantly.

I was more present with friends.

I wasn’t sitting in moments thinking:

Should I post this?

Should I film this?

Should I share this?

I was just living it.

And honestly, that felt rare.

My Creativity Came Back (Because Creativity Needs Space)

The next thing I noticed was creativity.

My creativity ramped up so fast.

And it makes sense.

Creativity needs space.

And creativity is like a muscle.

If you’re constantly consuming, there’s no space.

You’re full.

Your system is full.

Your brain is full.

Your emotional world is full.

And when you’re creating from pressure, it doesn’t flow.

But when I stepped away, I was creating more than I was consuming.

I was writing more.

I had more ideas.

I felt more depth.

More energy.

More clarity.

And even more desire to create, which was honestly such a relief.

But Here’s The Other Side: My Inner Critic Got Loud

Now I want to speak to the other side of this.

Because it wasn’t all “wow, I’m so peaceful and enlightened.”

My inner critic got brutal for a couple of weeks.

Like genuinely loud.

So loud it made me cry several times a week.

And what was interesting was I couldn’t unblend from her.

I know my inner critic.

I have a relationship with her.

But I was so blended I was believing everything she was saying.

And this is the part I want you to hear.

When you remove distractions, what’s underneath comes up.

If you’ve been scrolling to numb out, even subtly, then when you stop scrolling…

you start feeling.

You start sitting with yourself.

You start being in the quiet.

And for some parts of you, that can feel confronting.

Especially if you’ve had parts keeping you moving for years.

The Part I Needed To Work With Wasn’t Even The Critic

This was a big moment for me.

I realised the inner critic wasn’t the first part I needed to work with.

The first part I needed to work with was the part that wanted the inner critic to go away.

Because that part was making her louder.

So I started turning toward them every day.

Listening.

Letting her show me what she was protecting.

And slowly, my capacity expanded.

Not just in a productivity sense.

In a depth sense.

Because we can only hold the things in our life to the depth we go to ourselves.

And yes, I know that sounds like a therapist thing to say.

But it’s true.

You can’t take people where you haven’t gone.

And this break asked me to go deeper.

The Unexpected Shift: My Relationship With My Appearance Changed

This part honestly shocked me.

I didn’t even realise how automatic my thoughts about my appearance had become.

The subtle scanning.

The noticing.

The urge to filter.

The tiny critiques.

And then one day off Instagram, I looked in the mirror and realised:

I don’t think any of those things right now.

Nothing about my face had changed.

No skincare.

No treatment.

No magic.

Just a change in environment.

And it reminded me how distorted our perceptions can become when we’re exposed to curated feeds constantly.

Your Baseline Quietly Shifts (And You Don’t Even Notice)

I shared a story in the episode about watching Sex and the City in my early twenties.

Candice Bergen came on screen.

And I remember thinking she looked so puffy.

Years later, I watched the exact same scene again and thought:

She looks normal.

That’s not about her.

That’s about perception.

Our baseline shifts.

Our “normal” shifts.

And it happens quietly.

Filters.

Fillers.

Makeup.

Angles.

Lighting.

Curated lives.

Perfect homes.

Perfect routines.

Even if you’re self aware, you still absorb it.

You still take it in.

Parts of you still scan.

Still compare.

Still measure.

And over time, it changes what you think is attractive, acceptable, or what you think you should look like.

Your Cycle Changes Your Perception Too

This is another important piece, especially for women.

Your perception changes depending on where you are in your cycle.

I shared a story about looking in a mirror in an elevator.

One morning I thought:

You look cute today.

A few days later I looked at myself in the exact same mirror and my inner critic said:

You fat motherfucker.

And I was like… whoa.

Because I know I hadn’t changed.

But my perception had.

That’s hormones.

That’s emotional sensitivity.

That’s the internal world shifting.

And when you add Instagram on top of that, it’s like fuel on a fire.

You’re already more sensitive, then you expose yourself to an environment designed to trigger comparison.

And then we wonder why we feel like shit.

What You Think Is Your Personality Might Just Be Your Nervous System

This was one of the biggest takeaways for me.

What we think is our personality is often just our nervous system responding to the environment we’re in.

And Instagram is an environment.

Even though it’s not physical, it becomes your environment because your attention is living there.

So if your inner critic gets louder when you’re on social media…

If your body image gets worse…

If comparison ramps up…

It doesn’t mean something is wrong with you.

It might mean you’re overstimulated.

And if your body image gets worse, it doesn’t mean you need to fix your body.

It might mean you need to look at what you’re exposing yourself to.

And Yes, This Links Back To Emotional Eating

Because food isn’t just food.

Food is layered.

Complex.

Emotional.

Relational.

Nervous system.

Environment.

And the more overwhelmed, overstimulated, pressured, and depleted you feel…

the more likely you are to emotionally eat.

Or to do something else emotionally.

Scrolling.

Wine.

Shopping.

Control.

All the same system.

You Don’t Need To Quit Instagram

I’m not telling you to shut down your account.

I didn’t.

I just deleted the app and checked messages once a day on my laptop.

And laptops hit different.

You don’t get pulled into the scroll in the same way.

So if you’ve been feeling like your inner critic has been loud lately…

If comparison has been creeping in…

If your body checking has ramped up…

If you’ve been scanning, measuring, analysing…

Just consider what happens if you step away for three days.

Not as discipline.

Not as punishment.

Not as a “challenge.”

As information.

Because your system might respond beautifully, intelligently, exactly as it’s designed to.

Listen to the Full Episode

If this landed for you, you can listen to the full episode of The Self Led Woman using the player above.

Disclaimer

This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for medical, psychological, or professional health advice.

While I’m an IFS informed therapy practitioner, this podcast is not therapy and is not intended to diagnose, treat, or replace individual support.

If anything in this episode brings up something for you, please seek support from a qualified health professional, GP, psychologist, or therapist, especially if you are experiencing distress, disordered eating, or mental health concerns.

Always consult your healthcare provider before making changes to your health, nutrition, or treatment plan.

Episode 15: Your Relationship With Food Is a Mirror

Disclaimer

The content shared in this blog post and podcast episode is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical, psychological, or therapeutic advice.

If this episode brings up anything for you, or you feel like you need personalised support, please reach out to a qualified mental health professional, medical practitioner, or a trained therapy provider.

If you are in crisis or feel unsafe, please contact emergency services or your local crisis support line.

Your Relationship With Food Was Never About Food

I want to talk about something today that has been sitting in my system for a while.

Because I’ve realised something so clearly, both through my own healing and through working with women inside Release & Reclaim.

My relationship with food was never actually about food.

It mirrored my relationship to my emotions.

And I know that might sound strange at first, like, what does that even mean?

But I mean it literally.

The way I related to food was the exact same way I related to my emotional world.

For years, I thought I had a discipline problem. I thought I just couldn’t be trusted. I thought I needed more control, more consistency, more willpower. I had parts of me that would shame me and say, why can’t you just get it together?

And I was so frustrated, because I felt like, why can I get the rest of my life together… but not this?

Why can I show up in every other area, but when it comes to food, I feel like I lose control?

But I can say now, with so much compassion for my younger self, food was never the issue.

Food was the thing I reached for when I didn’t know how to hold what I was feeling.

When You’re Not Taught How To Feel, You Learn How To Be Fine

I didn’t know how to hold my emotions because I wasn’t taught how to hold them.

I wasn’t shown how to process emotion.

And I definitely wasn’t shown how to meet myself with compassion when I made a mistake.

When I was growing up, it felt like there was no room for mistakes. If I made one, I don’t remember being met with softness. I remember being met with blame. I remember being met with shame. I remember being told I should have known better.

Even when I was young.

Even when I was learning.

And that kind of messaging doesn’t teach you how to behave. It teaches you that your humanness is inconvenient.

It teaches you that your emotions are too much.

It teaches you that your needs are not welcome.

And a lot of women I work with have a version of this story.

Not always in big obvious ways.

Sometimes in subtle ones.

The “don’t cry.”

The “stop being so sensitive.”

The “pull yourself together.”

The “don’t make a fuss.”

The “don’t be selfish.”

And what you were expressing wasn’t dramatic.

It was sadness.

It was hurt.

It was disappointment.

It was fear.

It was a need.

It was a human moment.

But when you’re dismissed in those moments, you don’t learn how to hold emotion.

You learn how to abandon yourself.

And that becomes your baseline.

So you walk through life being fine.

You learn how to be easy to be around.

You learn how to be helpful.

You learn how to keep the peace.

You learn how to stay composed.

You learn how to not be too much.

And you become so high functioning that from the outside, it looks like you’ve got it together always.

But inside, you’re living in a body that is full of emotion you’ve been holding by yourself for years.

And it has nowhere safe to go.

This Is Where Food Makes Perfect Sense

So of course food enters the picture.

Food becomes the one place you can soften.

It becomes the one place you can let your shoulders drop.

It becomes the one place you can exhale.

It’s like you don’t take a breath all day, and then at the end of the day, you emotionally eat or comfort eat, and it’s like you take your first real breath at 9pm.

Food doesn’t ask anything of you.

It doesn’t ask you to be impressive.

It doesn’t ask you to stay composed.

It doesn’t ask you to keep the peace.

It doesn’t ask you to be the stable one.

It gives relief.

It gives comfort.

It gives you a break from holding it all together.

And that makes sense.

Especially for high functioning women who have been carrying too much for too long.

But the relief doesn’t last long.

Because for most women, the shame comes straight after.

If You Were Trained To Feel Shame For Having Needs, Of Course You’ll Feel Shame When You Receive

This is such an important piece.

If you were trained to feel shame for having needs…

Of course you’re going to feel shame when you receive.

Even if what you’re receiving is a piece of your favourite chocolate.

Even if what you’re receiving is relief.

Even if what you’re receiving is softness.

Even if what you’re receiving is love.

That’s how deep these patterns go.

And this is why emotional eating is not a willpower issue.

It’s not a discipline issue.

It’s a relationship issue.

Restriction Is Often The Same Pattern, Just In A Different Outfit

I also want to say something important here.

When I emotionally ate, I also restricted.

And for me, restriction was one thousand percent about control.

So many women don’t realise they’re in the exact same pattern, just on different ends of the spectrum.

Not everyone is bingeing.

Not everyone is emotionally eating in an obvious way.

Some women are controlling food in the same way they control their emotions.

They look composed.

They look disciplined.

They look “healthy.”

They look like they have it together.

But they don’t feel free.

They don’t feel relaxed.

They don’t feel safe.

And then when they’re alone, one tiny thing can happen on a random Thursday and they lose their shit.

Because emotions don’t disappear when you control them.

They build.

They stack.

They wait.

And eventually, if you’ve been controlling them all week, they demand your attention.

And they come out sideways.

This is where you end up crying in the bathroom at work.

Or snapping at your partner.

Or losing your patience with your kids.

Or feeling like you’re fine until you suddenly aren’t.

And food is one of the ways the system tries to prevent that.

Because it’s fast.

It’s reliable.

It’s easy.

And it doesn’t require anything from you.

Digesting Food Requires Presence, And So Does Digesting Emotion

Here’s the part that really landed for me.

Digesting food properly requires presence.

Think about the difference between eating at your desk, eating in the car, eating while distracted, eating on the run, barely tasting it, barely noticing it…

Versus sitting down.

Slowing down.

Tasting your food.

Noticing the textures and flavours.

Letting it nourish you.

Letting it land.

That’s digestion.

That’s receiving.

And emotions are exactly the same.

If you can’t digest emotion, you won’t feel safe digesting food either.

Because it’s the same skill.

It’s capacity.

It’s presence.

It’s safety.

It’s the ability to stay with yourself.

And if you were never taught how to do that, of course food becomes the thing that helps you swallow everything down.

What IFS Teaches Is Not Control, It’s Relationship

This is why I love Internal Family Systems so much.

Because IFS doesn’t try to shame you out of emotional eating.

It doesn’t try to control you out of it.

It doesn’t try to give you another list of rules.

It doesn’t treat your system like it’s broken.

IFS brings you back into relationship with your parts.

The part of you that comfort eats is not a failure.

It’s a protector.

It’s often the most loving part of you.

Sometimes I describe it like this.

Imagine you’ve had the worst day ever, and you come home, and this part comes forward with this beautiful grandma energy.

Like she wraps you in a blanket and says, honey, you’ve had a rough day. Sit down. Here’s your favourite food. You deserve something soft.

And we get so angry at her.

But she’s trying to love on you in the only way she knows how.

The problem isn’t that she exists.

The problem is that she’s the only one who knows how to soothe you.

And your body doesn’t stop a survival strategy unless something else can take its place.

The Body Already Knows How To Heal, It Just Needs The Right Conditions

This is where I want to bring it back to something that happened to me recently.

At the time of recording this episode, I had two cysts removed from my scalp.

Nothing scary, nothing serious, I’m totally fine.

But the next day I was sitting there thinking, how incredible is the human body?

I could feel it healing already.

And I didn’t have to tell it what to do.

I didn’t have to force anything.

I didn’t have to micromanage the process.

My body just got to work.

It began repairing tissue.

It began moving towards healing.

That’s what the body does.

It’s always trying to resolve.

It’s always trying to bring things back into balance.

And the reason I’m saying this is because this includes the things we judge about ourselves, like emotional eating.

Your body doesn’t do anything for no reason.

Even if the strategy comes with consequences you don’t want.

Even if you wish you could stop.

The intention underneath is always healing.

Digesting Emotion Often Looks Like 5 Percent At A Time

Last week I had an IFS session with a colleague, and it reinforced everything I’m talking about.

We worked with parts of me that were afraid to be seen.

Parts that say don’t take up space.

Parts that say don’t speak up.

Parts that say don’t ask for what you need.

And underneath all of those protectors was grief.

Grief for a younger version of me who never felt met.

Grief for the little girl who learned early that needs were inconvenient.

Grief for the little girl who learned it was safer to stay quiet.

And what we agreed on was simple.

Not to flood myself.

Not to wallow all day.

Not to force a release.

But to sit with 5 percent of that grief each day.

A hand on my heart.

A couple of minutes.

Just asking, would it be okay if I sat with you for a moment?

Not to fix it.

Not to move it.

Not to make it go away.

Just to offer presence.

And that is digesting emotion.

It’s not always cathartic.

It’s often quiet.

It’s slow.

It’s gentle.

It’s the ability to stay with yourself.

And when you’ve never learned that, no wonder food becomes the thing you reach for.

Your Body Isn’t The Enemy

So if you take anything from this episode, let it be this.

Your relationship with food is not a food problem.

It’s a mirror.

And when you heal the way you relate to your emotions, the way you relate to food begins to change too.

Not through control.

Not through another nutrition plan.

Not through shaming yourself into being better.

But because your capacity expands.

Because your Self energy grows.

Because you learn how to stay with yourself.

And when you can stay with yourself, food doesn’t need to carry your emotions anymore.

Your body isn’t the enemy.

It never was.

It’s been trying to heal you this whole time.

And when you stop fighting it and start listening, healing stops being something you force.

And it becomes something that happens.

Episode 14: Your Body Isn’t the Enemy

Disclaimer

This episode is for educational and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for medical, psychological, or professional health advice.

If you are struggling with emotional eating, your mental health, or your relationship with food and your body, please seek support from a qualified health professional. If anything in this episode brings up distress for you, you don’t have to hold it alone.

Always consult your GP, therapist, or a qualified practitioner for personalised support.

At the time of recording this episode, I had two cysts removed from my scalp.

Nothing scary. Nothing serious. I’m totally fine.

But the next morning, I had this moment where I couldn’t stop thinking about how amazing the human body is.

Because my head had literally been cut open in two places.

And without me doing anything…

Without me giving it instructions…

Without me micromanaging the process…

My body immediately began healing.

It started repairing tissue. It started restoring balance. It started resolving what had been disrupted.

And I thought, this is what the body does.

It moves toward healing.

Always.

And then I had this second thought.

What if the things you judge about yourself, like emotional eating, are not proof that your body is failing…

But proof that your body is trying to heal?

Emotional eating is not random

One of the biggest things I want women to understand is this:

Your body never does anything for no reason.

Even when the strategy it’s using is frustrating.

Even when it comes with consequences you don’t want.

Even when it feels like you’ve “done so much work” and you’re still looping.

Emotional eating is rarely self sabotage.

It’s not you being broken.

It’s not you being weak.

It’s not you lacking discipline.

It’s your system responding to an unmet need.

Sometimes that need is actually physical.

You’re underfed. You’re depleted. You’re running on fumes and your body is trying to get energy.

But often, the need underneath emotional eating is emotional.

Rest.

Relief.

Support.

Boundaries.

Softness.

Love.

Safety.

And when your system doesn’t know how to get those needs met directly…

Food becomes the fastest shortcut.

The hidden link between emotional eating and people pleasing

Something I see all the time in my work is this:

If you struggle with emotional eating, there’s a high chance you also struggle with people pleasing.

Not always in an obvious way.

Most of my clients don’t identify as “big people pleasers” anymore.

They’ll say things like, “I’m so much better than I used to be.”

And they are.

But when we go deeper, we find the subtle moments.

The tiny yes when they wanted to say no.

The automatic caretaking.

The over giving.

The pushing past exhaustion.

The staying agreeable when something didn’t sit right.

Because people pleasing isn’t about being too kind.

It’s about survival.

It’s a protective strategy that often develops when you’re young and you learn that being helpful, easygoing, low maintenance, or needed is the safest way to receive love or approval.

So you learn to override yourself.

You learn to push past your capacity.

You learn to keep going even when you’re tired.

And most high functioning women are extremely capable of doing that.

But here’s the truth:

Just because you’re capable doesn’t mean you have capacity.

When you override your capacity, pressure builds

When you don’t listen to your body, pressure starts to stack.

Resentment.

Anger.

Exhaustion.

The feeling of being unseen.

The feeling of being responsible for everyone else.

The feeling of having to keep it together.

And often, those emotions don’t feel safe to express.

So they get pushed down.

Not because you’re dramatic.

But because somewhere in your system, it still feels safer to be fine than to be real.

And when those emotions don’t have a place to go…

Food becomes the place.

Food becomes the exhale.

The relief.

The softening.

The comfort eating part isn’t the problem

I want you to imagine the part of you that comfort eats.

The part you get frustrated with.

The part you try to control.

The part you shame.

In this episode I described her like this:

She’s like a beautiful grandma energy.

You’ve had the worst day.

You come home.

And she wraps you in a blanket and says,

“Darling. You’ve had a rough day. Come sit down. Here. Have your favourite food. You deserve something.”

That’s what comfort eating is.

It’s not evil.

It’s not weak.

It’s not trying to ruin your life.

It’s trying to love you the only way it knows how.

And it works.

Fast.

Food doesn’t ask you to be vulnerable.

It doesn’t ask you to risk rejection.

It doesn’t ask you to disappoint anyone.

It doesn’t ask you to speak up.

It doesn’t ask you to feel everything you’ve been holding.

It just soothes you.

Immediately.

Why most approaches miss the point

Most approaches to emotional eating focus on the behaviour.

They focus on food.

They focus on control.

They focus on the symptom.

But they don’t offer your system an alternative.

And the body doesn’t stop a survival strategy unless something else can take its place.

That’s why shaming yourself doesn’t work.

That’s why forcing yourself doesn’t work.

That’s why trying to control your way out of emotional eating often makes it worse.

Because all shame does is create more stress in the body.

More cortisol.

More tightening.

More bracing.

And then the very thing you’re trying to stop becomes more urgent.

Your system already knows how to heal

This is one of the reasons I love IFS so much.

Because I’m not “fixing” you.

I’m guiding you back into relationship with your own system.

In IFS, we meet the parts underneath the pattern.

The part that people pleases.

The part that over functions.

The part that tightens.

The part that rebels.

The part that shuts down.

The part that reaches for food.

And when those parts feel seen, supported, and understood…

They soften.

Not through force.

But because they no longer need to do the job.

It’s like the difference between having a flotation device and learning how to swim.

When your system learns it can stay with emotion without being overwhelmed…

Food stops needing to be the only way you regulate.

Your body isn’t the enemy

This is what I want you to take from this episode:

Your body isn’t doing this to you.

It’s doing it for you.

Even if the strategy isn’t ideal.

Even if it’s messy.

Even if you’re tired of looping.

Your system is not broken.

It’s adaptive.

It’s intelligent.

It’s been trying to keep you going this whole time.

And when you stop fighting it and start listening…

Healing stops being something you force.

And becomes something that begins to happen.

Episode 13: Training for the Body You Need at 60 with Naz Demirtas

Disclaimer

This blog post is for educational and informational purposes only, and it is not medical, mental health, or nutritional advice. If you need personalised support, please consult a qualified health professional or therapist.

Strength Training Isn’It’s about the body you’ll need at 60

I’m so excited to share this conversation with you because it’s one of those episodes that hits on something I think so many women need to hear, especially if you’ve spent years in that loop of trying to “fix” your body.

This episode is with Naz Demirtas, a certified strength coach and Australian sports nutrition and health coach, who believes strength training is less about how you look and more about how well you live.

And honestly, I love her for it.

Naz works with women both online and in person, and she’s helped hundreds of women build strength, confidence, capability, and self trust, not by shrinking themselves, but by learning how to take up space in their bodies again.

Because this is the thing.

Most women have been trained to think health equals being smaller.

Naz is here to flip that on its head.

Naz’s turning point: pregnancy and realising what her body could do

Naz shares that her relationship with her body used to revolve around control. Dieting. Trying to be her smallest self. Like so many women, that was the only way she felt she could have power over her body.

But pregnancy changed something.

For the first time, she wasn’t looking at her body as a project to manage.

She was looking at her body as something capable. Something powerful. Something sacred.

Growing a human.

Giving birth naturally.

Experiencing the intensity and the oxytocin and the rawness of what women can do.

And that experience became the seed of her entire philosophy.

Strength training isn’t about being smaller.

It’s about being stronger.

“Train for the body you’ll need at 60”

This is one of the core messages Naz is known for, and it’s such a powerful reframe.

Because the truth is, most women in their 30s and 40s are not thinking about what their body will need at 60, 70, or 80.

They’re thinking about their stomach.

Their thighs.

Their weight.

Their jeans.

But Naz speaks about something that matters so much more than aesthetics.

She’s talking about muscle preservation.

Bone density.

Independence.

The ability to get on and off the toilet.

To lift your groceries.

To pick up your grandchildren.

To not be frail, hunched, and afraid of falling.

And she shares a statistic that should honestly be talked about more often:

After 30, women can lose around 3 to 8 percent of muscle mass each decade.

And after menopause, it gets even more intense.

And when you lose muscle, you lose independence.

This isn’t fear mongering.

This is reality.

The hidden problem: women are under eating protein

One of the biggest things Naz sees in her work is how many women are unintentionally under eating, especially protein.

Not because they don’t care.

But because diet culture has trained women to think eating less equals being healthy.

So women cut back.

They snack instead of eating meals.

They try to “be good.”

They skip breakfast.

They under eat during the day.

And then they wonder why they feel exhausted, irritable, depleted, and ravenous by 5pm.

Naz speaks about that moment so many women know well.

The 5pm snap.

You’ve worked all day.

You’ve picked up the kids.

They’re asking what’s for dinner.

Your nervous system is cooked.

And you have zero capacity.

If you’ve been fasting, restricting, or barely eating, you’re not just tired.

You’re depleted.

And your body will demand something.

This is where cravings get louder.

This is where emotional eating can kick in.

And this is where women often blame themselves, when the truth is, their body is just trying to survive.

The connection between dieting and emotional eating

This is where my world and Naz’s world overlap so perfectly.

Because I see this all the time.

Women think they have an emotional eating problem.

Or they think they have a bingeing problem.

But often, underneath, there’s a cycle of restriction, control, pressure, and self punishment.

And it creates the exact outcome they’re trying to avoid.

Naz said something that I deeply agree with:

If diet culture didn’t exist, emotional eating would be so much less common.

Because so much emotional eating is actually a rebound response.

Restriction creates obsession.

Pressure creates rebellion.

Control creates the snap.

And then the shame part comes in after.

It becomes a loop.

Not because you’re broken.

Because your system is responding normally to deprivation.

What changes when a woman gets stronger

One of my favourite parts of this episode was hearing Naz speak about what she sees happen in women when they start strength training.

Not just physically.

But emotionally.

Mentally.

Energetically.

She said something that landed so deeply:

A woman becomes more capable in her belief system.

She stops living by society’s rules.

She stops outsourcing her body and her worth to trends.

She starts trusting herself.

She starts feeling like she can do hard things.

And she starts realising something huge:

The real control isn’t restriction.

The real control is health.

It’s nourishment.

It’s strength.

It’s capacity.

It’s being able to trust your body again.

“Aesthetics are cute. Osteoporosis is not.”

Naz shared some powerful insights about osteoporosis and bone density, and this part matters.

Because women don’t really understand osteoporosis until they see it.

Naz spoke about her grandmother in aged care, and how confronting it is to witness what happens when independence is taken away.

Not because someone “got unlucky.”

But because the body wasn’t supported.

Bone density wasn’t protected.

Muscle mass wasn’t built.

And the reality is, one fall can change everything.

A hip fracture can become the beginning of a major decline.

Strength training and power work can help protect bone density.

Eating enough protein and fat supports hormone function.

This is not about vanity.

This is about your future.

Training and eating from love, not hate

Toward the end of the episode, I asked Naz what she sees when women start training and eating from a place of love and respect for their body, instead of hate.

And her answer was perfect.

When the nervous system is calm, the results happen.

There is no sustainable change that comes from hate.

You can punish your body all you want.

You can restrict.

Youcan force.

You can push harder.

But your body will respond with stress.

With cortisol.

With resistance.

With fatigue.

With cravings.

With flatlining.

And eventually, with rebellion.

But when you shift into nourishment and self respect, everything changes.

Because your body stops bracing.

And it starts responding.

Three things Naz recommends if you’re ready to do this differently

Naz shared three simple but powerful places to start.

1. Start strength training, even at home

If the gym feels intimidating, start with body weight. It’s harder than people think, and it builds real connection with your body.

2. Build meals around protein, fibre, and healthy fats

Aim for protein in every meal. Add fibre through fruit, vegetables, whole grains, and include fats to support hormones.

3. Prioritise stress and sleep

Because you can be doing everything “right” and still feel stuck if your system is living in survival mode.

And I added something I’ve been sharing with clients lately too.

If slowing down feels impossible, don’t try to overhaul your life overnight.

Just move half a second slower.

No one will notice.

But your nervous system will.

The real goal is a body you can live in

This conversation is one I hope every woman listens to.

Because if you’ve been stuck in cycles of dieting, control, shame, and emotional eating, you deserve a different relationship with your body.

One built on capability.

Trust.

Strength.

And long term health.

Not punishment.

Not shrinking.

Not constantly trying to earn your worth.

Your body isn’t something to fix.

It’s something to live in.

Episode 12: The Tiredness That Food Can’t Fix

Episode 12: The Tiredness That Food Can’t Fix is available now on Spotify and Apple Podcasts.

If you want to go deeper into this work, this is the kind of healing we do inside Release & Reclaim, my 12-week 1:1 emotional eating therapy journey.

You can explore the podcast, or learn more about working together via the links on my website.

There’s a kind of tiredness I want to talk about today.

Not the tiredness that sleep fixes.
Not the tiredness a holiday fixes.
But the exhaustion that comes from carrying too much for too long.

The kind of tiredness that sits in your body like a weight.
Like you’ve been managing life, holding everything together, staying capable, staying “fine” for so long… that something in you is just done.

And if you’re listening to this podcast, chances are food plays a role in your life where it gets loud in moments like that.

Maybe it’s not every day.
Maybe you’re mostly okay.
But there’s enough noise around food that it takes up space in your head.

Enough to feel like something is still unresolved.

You’ve probably tried a thousand versions of “I’ll start Monday.”
You’ve had the weeks where you’re organised, disciplined, eating well, doing all the right things… until you’re tired. Until you’re stressed. Until life asks too much of you.

And that’s when things unravel.

Not because you’re weak.
Not because you’re undisciplined.
Not because you don’t know what to do.

But because your nervous system is overloaded.

This isn’t a willpower issue. It’s a pattern.

One of the most important things I want you to hear in this episode is that emotional eating isn’t random.

It isn’t chaos.
It isn’t a character flaw.
It’s a pattern.

It’s your system following the most logical path it knows when you’ve been holding it together for too long.

Because when you’re exhausted and stretched beyond your capacity, food becomes the fastest, most reliable way to create relief.

Food doesn’t require anything from you.
It doesn’t ask you to be vulnerable.
It doesn’t ask you to explain yourself.
It doesn’t ask you to slow down in front of anyone else.
It doesn’t ask you to ask for help.

And for so many women, at some point in their lives, food became safer than needing something from another person.

The parts behind emotional eating

In this episode, I talk about how emotional eating isn’t driven by one part of you.

It’s a whole internal system.

There are the responsible parts. The ones who keep you functioning. The ones who push you through. The ones who manage, organise, hold everything together, stay on top of it, stay “good.”

The ones who learned a long time ago that being capable was safer than being messy.

And then there are the parts that come in later.

The comfort part. The one who wants relief. The one who wraps you up in the emotional equivalent of a blanket and says, “You’ve had a hard day. You deserve something.”

The rebel part. The one who snaps when perfectionism has been running the show for too long. The one who says “fuck it” when the pressure becomes unbearable.

And then, right on cue, comes the inner critic.

The part that swoops in after the eating and shames you.
The part that tells you you’re out of control.
The part that says you should know better by now.
The part that promises you’ll be “good” tomorrow.

This is why knowing better doesn’t translate into doing differently.

Because emotional eating isn’t responding to logic.
It’s responding to safety.

Why trying to “fix” the behaviour often makes it worse

One of the most frustrating parts of emotional eating is that the mainstream approach is still focused on control.

More rules.
More restriction.
More pressure.
More discipline.

But if your system is already overwhelmed, adding more pressure doesn’t help. It just makes the loop tighter.

The behaviour doesn’t soften.
It just waits.

It waits until the next stressful week.
The next lonely night.
The next moment you’ve carried too much alone.
And then it comes back again.

Because emotional eating is not a food issue.
It’s a nervous system issue.

And if we don’t address what’s underneath, the behaviour keeps returning as a solution.

The tiredness food can’t fix

This is the part that feels so important.

Because the tiredness underneath emotional eating is rarely physical.

It’s the tiredness of being the responsible one.
The tiredness of being the regulated one.
The tiredness of being the one who doesn’t need much.
The tiredness of being the one who holds everything.

The tiredness of living in a system that was built on coping, not being cared for.

And food becomes the place where your body finally gets to exhale.

Even if it’s temporary.
Even if it comes with shame afterwards.

It makes sense.

What actually changes things

In this episode, I share something I wish more women were told.

Healing doesn’t happen when you relate to food differently.
Healing happens when you relate to yourself differently.

Because your relationship with food is downstream from your relationship with your body.

And your relationship with your body is downstream from your relationship with your internal world.

Your emotions.
Your needs.
Your capacity.
Your boundaries.
Your softness.
Your grief.
Your anger.
Your exhaustion.

The things you’ve learned to swallow.

And when you start meeting the parts of you that learned to cope in silence, the behaviour doesn’t need to be controlled.

It dissolves.

Not because you’re trying harder.
But because the job food was doing is no longer required.

A new way of living in your body

One of the most powerful shifts I talk about in this episode is learning to slow down in a way your system can actually tolerate.

Not “go meditate for an hour.”
Not “take a break” like you’re a robot who can just switch off.

But something smaller. More realistic.

Move through your day half a second slower.

No one will notice on the outside.
But internally, it changes everything.

Because it’s enough to bring you out of survival mode.
Enough to feel your hunger cues.
Enough to feel your exhaustion.
Enough to notice your sadness.
Enough to feel your anger and realise a boundary needs to be set.

Enough to stop outsourcing your needs to food.

And over time, your body starts to feel like a place you can actually be.

Food was never the problem. And neither were you.

If this episode lands, I want you to take this with you:

You were never failing at food.

Your system adapted brilliantly to survive.

But now, it’s asking for something different.

Not fixing.
Not pressure.
Not control.

A safer relationship with yourself.

Because when you stop fighting yourself, food stops needing to run your life.

Listen to Episode 12

Episode 12: The Tiredness That Food Can’t Fix is available now on Spotify and Apple Podcasts.

If you want to go deeper into this work, this is the kind of healing we do inside Release & Reclaim, my 12-week 1:1 emotional eating therapy journey.

You can explore the podcast, or learn more about working together via the links on my website.

Episode Disclaimer

This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. It is not medical advice and does not replace individual mental health or medical care. If you are struggling with an eating disorder or feel unsafe in your relationship with food, please seek support from a qualified health professional. If you are in immediate danger or need urgent support, contact emergency services or your local crisis support line.

Episode 11: Your Body Was Never the Problem

Content Note:
This episode explores emotional eating, weight, body image, trauma, and nervous system protection. It may bring up feelings around shame, body criticism, or past experiences. Please take your time with it, and only listen in a way that feels supportive for you.

Most women don’t realise how deeply they’ve internalised this idea: that their body is the problem.

That their eating is the problem.
That weight changes, emotional eating, restriction, bingeing, or body hatred mean they’ve failed in some way.

And when you’ve been taught that, it makes sense that your whole life becomes a project.

Fix the food.
Fix the body.
Fix the willpower.
Fix the discipline.
Fix the cravings.
Fix the emotional eating.

But from an Internal Family Systems and somatic trauma lens, your body was never the problem.

Your body has been responding intelligently to what it lived through.

The body doesn’t just react to life. It adapts to it.

One of the biggest shifts in trauma informed work is this:

We stop seeing the body as something that’s malfunctioning, and start seeing it as something that’s protecting.

Because the body doesn’t behave randomly.
It organises itself around what feels safe, what feels threatening, and what it believes it needs to do to survive.

This is why posture, muscle tension, digestion, weight, and eating patterns are not just “health issues” or “bad habits.”

They can be protective strategies shaped by lived experience.

Your parts don’t only live in your thoughts. They live in your body.

In IFS, we talk about parts as inner aspects of the psyche.
But parts are not just thoughts.

They show up in your nervous system.
They show up in your body.

They affect:

The way you hold yourself
The way you breathe
The tension in your jaw
The tightness in your chest
The heaviness in your shoulders
The way your stomach clenches
The way your appetite changes
The way your body holds weight

And sometimes the body becomes the main site of protection.

Posture can be protection

You can see this in real life if you know what to look for.

You might notice a young woman walking down the street with her shoulders rounded forward and her chest collapsed inward.

She might not be afraid in that moment.
She might just be walking.

But her body learned somewhere along the way that it was safer to protect her heart.
To make herself smaller.
To take up less space.

That posture doesn’t come from laziness.

It comes from adaptation.

The body isn’t being poetic. It’s being literal.

Facial tension can change the way people respond to you

This blew my mind when I first learned it.

There are studies showing that people who experienced significant childhood trauma or relational trauma often struggle later in life with friendships.

Not because they’re unkind.
Not because they’re socially awkward.

But because their faces hold more tension.

Maybe in the jaw.
Maybe in the brow.
Maybe around the eyes.

Not enough that you’d consciously notice it.
But enough that their micro expressions don’t signal safety in the same way.

And at the same time, those who’ve experienced relational trauma often interpret other people’s facial expressions differently too.

A neutral face can feel like rejection.
A blank face can feel like anger.
Ambiguity can feel threatening.

That’s not weakness.

That is a nervous system doing exactly what it learned to do.

Weight can be protection too

Weight is one of the most misunderstood areas of trauma and the nervous system.

We’ve been taught to think weight is only about food.

But weight can also be:

Insulation
Protection
A boundary
Distance
Safety

If someone has experienced repeated boundary violation, emotional, physical, relational, or sexual, the body may decide it needs more protection.

More space.
More buffering.
More safety.

So weight gain isn’t always a sign of failure.

Sometimes it’s the body trying to keep you safe.

Digestion often goes offline under chronic stress

Digestive issues are incredibly common in women who’ve lived in chronic stress.

IBS.
Bloating.
Poor nutrient absorption.
Food sensitivity patterns.
Feeling inflamed no matter what you do.

And it makes sense.

When the nervous system is braced for too long, digestion is one of the first systems to go offline.

Because the body prioritises survival over digestion.

If your system is constantly scanning for threat, it doesn’t have the resources to fully break down food, absorb nutrients, and regulate appetite the way it was designed to.

Again: not failure, its adaptation.

Your shoulders are not “tight.” They’re carrying something.

One of the most common things I hear in sessions is:

“I feel it in my shoulders.”

And while it’s not true in every single case, very often, shoulder tension is connected to one thing:

Responsibility.

Carrying too much.
Holding everything together.
Being the one who manages it all.

Even the language we use gives it away.

The weight of the world on your shoulders.
Everything resting on you.
Holding it all together.

The body isn’t being metaphorical.
It’s being literal.

Why “doing all the right things” doesn’t always work

This is the part I really want you to hear if you’ve ever felt confused, frustrated, or ashamed.

If you’ve been doing the “right things” with food, and your body isn’t responding, it does not automatically mean you’re doing something wrong.

For some people, calorie deficits and dietary changes lead to weight loss.

But for many women, if the nervous system still believes protection is needed, the body will push back.

Because the body does not just give up protection because you tell it to.

It doesn’t respond to force.

It responds to safety.

The IFS lens: Manager parts and Firefighter parts

In IFS we talk about two main protective styles.

Manager parts

These are the parts that try to prevent pain, chaos, or vulnerability.

In emotional eating, they can look like:

Body checking
Food rules
Weighing yourself
Bargaining
“I ate this so I’ll work out later”
“I’ll be good tomorrow”
“Starting again Monday”
Control
Monitoring
Restricting

Managers can also use weight as protection.

Sometimes they hold onto weight because it keeps you safer.

Because the system believes being smaller, being more visible, being more desired, or being more exposed could be dangerous.

Firefighter parts

Firefighters come in when something feels too tender, too overwhelming, or too much.

They want relief now.

They can look like:

Bingeing
Compulsive eating
Numbing
Over-drinking
Over-scrolling
Shutting down
Dissociating
Avoiding

Firefighters aren’t trying to ruin your life.

They’re trying to put the fire out.

Food is often the fastest way to regulate

This is why food becomes such a common tool.

Because it works.

It changes state quickly.

It brings the nervous system down.
It creates relief.
It numbs.
It distracts.
It gives comfort.
It gives a moment of softness.

Especially for women who grew up without consistent emotional attunement, safety, or support.

Food becomes something reliable.

And the more your system has had to acknowledging needs, the more food becomes the substitute.

Why insight doesn’t always create change

This is the hardest part for high functioning women.

Because you are smart.
You are self aware.
You can connect dots.
You can explain your patterns.

You know why you emotionally eat.

But knowing is not the same as releasing a role.

Insight without attunement doesn’t heal the nervous system.

It might make sense of the story, but it doesn’t create safety in the system.

And without safety, protection doesn’t soften.

Why “just listen to your body” can feel impossible

This is why some advice, even well meaning advice, can feel frustrating.

Because if your body has been a place of danger, overwhelm, shame, or intensity…

Then “just listen to your body” isn’t soothing.

It’s threatening.

Listening becomes possible when safety exists.

Sometimes you need support.
The right container, pacing, titration and a therapeutic relationship where your system doesn’t have to do it alone.

Healing is not force. It is attunement.

The healing path is not about pushing harder.

It is not about controlling food harder.

It is not about trying to discipline your nervous system into behaving.

Healing happens through:

Curiosity instead of control
Respect instead of force
Slowing down
Listening
Meeting the protective parts with compassion
Building enough internal safety for protection to soften

And when that happens, things begin to change.

Not overnight.
Not in one breakthrough.

But slowly.

Quietly.

In a way that finally lasts.

Your body has been doing its best to protect you

If you take nothing else from this episode or this post, take this:

Nothing in you is random.
Nothing in you is broken.

Your body has been responding intelligently to what it learned it needed to survive.

And when you start relating to it that way, something shifts.

Not because you’ve finally found the perfect plan.

But because you’ve stopped turning against yourself.

Want to go deeper?

If you want support working with emotional eating, binge cycles, and the deeper patterns underneath, you can explore my 12 week one on one therapy container:

Release & Reclaim
A trauma informed therapy journey for emotional eating and binge cycles.

The first step is a free Release & Reclaim Consultation, which is a contained orientation and fit session.

Not a sales call.
A clinical conversation to explore what’s driving your pattern and whether this level of support is the right next step.

You can book that through the link in my bio or via my website.

Podcast disclaimer

This podcast is for education and reflection only. It is not a substitute for therapy or healthcare. If this episode brought things up for you and you need support, please reach out to a trained therapy practitioner or health professional in your area.

EPISODE 10:The Hidden Roles Behind Emotional Eating - Family dynamics, nervous system load, and why food steps in

This episode includes discussion of eating disorders, including bulimia, and explores emotional eating through a therapeutic lens. Please listen or read with care and take what feels supportive for you.

There is something that gets missed in almost every conversation about emotional eating.

Because food is not always just regulating emotions.

Sometimes, food is holding roles that never should have belonged to you in the first place.

In this episode, we explore emotional eating through an Internal Family Systems and nervous system lens, looking at how early family dynamics shape the way our bodies cope later in life. How becoming the responsible one, the peacekeeper, the emotional buffer, or the caretaker can load your nervous system with far more than it was ever meant to carry.

And when that load becomes too heavy, food often steps in.

Not because you are weak.
Not because you lack discipline.
But because your system is trying to discharge what it never had support to process.

When food is holding responsibility, not feelings

Much of the mainstream conversation around emotional eating frames food as a way to regulate feelings like stress, sadness, or boredom.

But in my work, and in my own journey, I see something deeper happening.

Sometimes food is not regulating emotion at all.
It is holding responsibility.

It is holding together family roles that were taken on very early, often unconsciously, and never should have belonged to a child in the first place.

Roles like being the emotional support, the peacekeeper, the caretaker, the one who keeps everything calm, or the one who does not need too much.

When these roles are taken on young, the nervous system learns something very specific.
Containment becomes a survival strategy.

And containment has a limit.

How early family dynamics shape eating behaviour later in life

In the episode, I share an example from an Internal Family Systems case study involving a woman with bulimia.

What stood out was not the eating behaviour itself, but the family system she grew up in.

She had become emotionally involved in her parents’ relationship.
She was confided in.
She was regulating adult emotions.
She was parentified.

She did not get to be a child.

From a nervous system perspective, this creates hypervigilant, responsible, controlled protective parts. Parts that track moods, manage tension, and hold emotional weight that is far too much for a developing system.

And when that load becomes overwhelming, other parts step in to create relief.

Often, those parts use food.

Not because food is addictive.
Not because of a lack of discipline.
But because food is one of the fastest and most socially acceptable ways to discharge what the system can no longer hold.

Why restriction and bingeing make sense through a nervous system lens

Many eating patterns follow a familiar rhythm.

Control, then relief.
Responsibility, then release.
Holding it together, then falling apart.

This is not pathology.
It is adaptation.

Restriction, over control, or perfectionism often come from parts seeking safety.
Bingeing or emotional eating often comes from parts seeking relief.

Both are trying to create balance.

From a nervous system perspective, this makes complete sense.

If you spent your childhood containing everything, your system learned that containment equals survival. But when containment exceeds capacity, something has to give.

Food often becomes the place where it finally does.

Knowing is not the same as releasing

Many of the women I work with are deeply self aware.

They understand their patterns.
They can trace them back to childhood.
They know why they emotionally eat.

And yet, nothing truly changes.

This is because intellectual insight does not dismantle a system.

Using the analogy of a riverbed, emotional eating becomes the default pathway because it has worked for a long time. Trying to override it with more discipline or control is like standing in front of the river and asking the water not to flow.

Without another system in place, it has nowhere to go.

This is why working with parts, rather than fighting behaviour, matters.

You are not addicted to sugar. You are hungry for softness

Sweet food activates soothing and bonding pathways in the brain.

Dopamine.
Opioid receptors.
Oxytocin.

If love, safety, or softness were inconsistent or conditional growing up, sweetness often becomes a substitute.

This is not conscious.
It is somatic wisdom.

What gets labelled as addiction is often an unmet relational need that never had another outlet.

You are not broken.
Your system adapted brilliantly.

Releasing roles rather than fixing food

Internal Family Systems does not ask you to stop eating certain foods or follow another plan.

It asks different questions.

What role is this part playing.
What is it protecting you from.
What is it carrying that was never yours.

When the parts that learned they had to hold everything are supported to release those roles, the system reorganises itself.

The eating behaviour softens not because it is forced to, but because it is no longer needed.

This is the foundation of my 12 week Release and Reclaim work. We are not fixing food. We are meeting the parts that learned to survive by holding too much.

A gentle question to sit with

What role did I play in my family as a little girl that I am still playing now?

There is no blame in this question.
Only information.

Food is rarely the problem.

It is often the last place your system could finally let go.

When we stop fighting that and start listening to what is underneath, something very different becomes possible.

Thank you for being here and for listening.
If this brought anything up for you, please reach out to a trained therapy practitioner or health professional for support.

Episode 9: Dr Anthea Todd: What’s My Body Telling Me?

Content note
This episode explores symptoms and the body through a therapeutic lens and includes discussion of emotional eating and weight. Please listen or read with care and take what feels supportive for you.

What if your body was never the problem, but the wisdom you have been missing?

In this episode, I am joined by Dr Anthea Todd, chiropractor, women’s health educator, and author of the bestselling book What’s My Body Telling Me? for a powerful conversation about symptoms, safety, and the intelligence of the body.

Anthea shares why she believes symptoms are not something to fight or fix, but meaningful signals from a body that is trying to protect you. We explore how the body communicates through weight, digestion, skin, hormones, energy, and eating patterns, and why so many women feel like they are doing all the right things while their body resists.

This conversation gently unravels the idea that emotional eating, weight gain, or chronic symptoms are failures of willpower. Instead, we look at how the nervous system adapts to stress, unmet needs, boundary violations, and disconnection, and how true healing begins when we slow down enough to listen.

Listen to Episode 9

Why symptoms are often the solution, not the problem

Anthea’s core message is simple and powerful.

Your symptoms are your body communicating with you.

Not punishing you.
Not betraying you.
Not proving you are broken.

Your body is constantly trying to keep you safe and in balance. When something is off, it sends signals. Sometimes those signals look like bloating, acne, headaches, exhaustion, painful periods, irregular cycles, emotional eating, weight changes, or a nervous system that feels like it never fully switches off.

The problem is that most of us were never taught how to listen. We were taught to override.

You get a symptom and you outsource your power. You search. You numb. You hustle. You try to fix it. You try to control it.

But the body is not asking to be controlled. It is asking to be understood.

The slow voice is intuition
The fast voice is fear

One of the most helpful parts of this conversation is how Anthea describes the difference between intuition and fear.

Fear is usually fast.

It rushes.
It spirals.
It throws a hundred what if thoughts at you.

Intuition is slower.

Steady.
Clear.
Grounded.

And you cannot hear the slow voice if your life is moving at a pace where your nervous system never gets to land.

Slowing down is not a luxury. It is a skill. It is a practice. It is often the beginning of healing.

The medical system is brilliant at emergencies
But it is not built for nuance

Anthea shares her own story, including serious health events where she is deeply grateful for the medical system.

The medical system can be life saving when you need immediate intervention.

But where many women get lost is in the gap between symptoms and answers.

You go to the doctor.
You get the tests.
You are told everything is fine.
You go home with the same symptoms.

And then you start questioning yourself.

But your body was still speaking. It just was not being listened to.

This is why Anthea created a framework to help women interpret what the body is asking for through multiple lenses.

Medical, functional, and energetic.

Not one dimensional. Not a single pill solution. Not a single protocol. A more honest approach.

Your body is a system, not a project

One of the themes that runs through this whole episode is how we relate to the body.

Many women approach their body like a project.

Fix this.
Control that.
Make it behave.

Anthea shares a powerful story about adult acne and how years of chasing solutions only kept her in a relationship with her body based on frustration, urgency, and self criticism.

What shifted things was not a new piece of information.

It was listening.

She slowed down and asked, with real curiosity, what is my body trying to tell me?

What came up was not a perfect diagnosis. It was a truth.

I am irritated.

And the irritation was not just physical. It was about micro choices. Shoulds. Pressure. Living out of alignment. Overriding what she actually needed.

When she began choosing what made her feel most alive, her skin changed.

Not because she forced it.

Because the body finally felt heard.

Autonomy, safety, connection, meaning

Anthea shares the four energetic fundamentals she is working with right now.

Autonomy.
Safety.
Connection.
Meaning.

This part of the conversation is such a mirror for emotional eating patterns too.

Because when autonomy gets weakened, we stop choosing.

We say yes when we mean no.
We override our needs.
We abandon our limits.
We live on should.

Then the nervous system compensates.

Food becomes relief.
Scrolling becomes relief.
Wine becomes relief.
Overworking becomes relief.
Perfectionism becomes relief.

Not because you are weak, but because you are trying to regulate a system that does not feel safe.

The smallest shift is remembering this.

I have a choice.

Even a tiny choice.

And every time you choose from the body, you rebuild trust.

Why insight without action can keep you in the loop

Anthea explains a brain framework called the triple brain network.

A part that detects what is important and scans for threat.
A part that makes meaning and tells stories about the past and future.
A part that helps you take action and make decisions.

The part that makes meaning does not understand time. It will replay old stories as if they are happening now.

This is where IFS fits so beautifully.

Because parts of us get frozen in time. A part can still think you are seven. Or twelve. Or in that relationship. Or in that moment you learned it was not safe to speak.

When we help parts update and feel safe in the present, the body starts to change what it needs to do to protect you.

And that is what creates real change.

Not just awareness, but new action from a new internal state.

If the body could speak uninterrupted

My final question to Anthea is one of my favourites.

If the body could speak without being interrupted, what would it most want people to hear?

Her answer is immediate.

I love you.

That might sound simple, but it is huge.

Because so many women have spent years in a relationship with their body that is critical, controlling, or disconnected.

To hear the body through the lens of love changes everything.

It does not mean you ignore symptoms.

It means you stop treating symptoms like enemies.

Reflection prompt

If you want to sit with something after listening, try this.

What is my body asking me to pay attention to right now?

No pressure to fix it.
No urgency.
Just honesty.

And if feeling is too much, go gently. Titrate. Slow it down. You do not have to force your system into depth.

About Dr Anthea Todd

Dr Anthea Todd is a chiropractor, women’s health educator, and author of the bestselling book What’s My Body Telling Me? She helps women build a completely different relationship with their body, one where symptoms become meaningful signals rather than problems to fix.

You can find Dr Anthea Todd on Instagram at @dr.antheatodd and explore her work at femalefundamentals.com.au.

Episode 8: Why You Can’t Just Stick to the Plan Emotional Eating, Trauma, and Nervous System Capacity

Content note
This episode discusses emotional eating, trauma, and nervous system regulation. Please read with care and take what feels supportive for you.

Listen to Episode 8

If you’ve ever said to yourself, I know what to do, I just don’t do it, this episode is for you.

And if you’ve ever looked at another woman who seems to effortlessly follow a nutrition plan and wondered why you can’t do the same, I want you to know this first.

There is nothing wrong with you.

In this episode, I’m unpacking why emotional eating does not change just because you know what to do, and why willpower, discipline, and another plan are never the real solution.

This is a straight talking, compassionate deep dive into trauma, nervous system capacity, and the truth about why food becomes a regulator for so many women.

A regulated nervous system is a privilege

One of the core ideas I explore in this episode is something that often gets ignored in the wellness space.

A regulated nervous system is a privilege.

If you grew up with parents who were emotionally available, attuned, consistent, and able to co regulate with you, your nervous system had the opportunity to develop safety instead of survival.

If you did not, your system had to adapt.

That does not make you weak.
It makes you resourceful.

But it does mean your body learned to regulate in different ways.

And for many women, food became that regulator.

The swimming lesson analogy

I share an analogy in this episode that helps explain why comparison is so damaging.

Some people were given swimming lessons from a young age. They learned gradually, with support, safety, and guidance.

Others were thrown into the ocean and told to sink or swim.

She survived.
But she swallowed water.
She panicked.
She stayed in survival mode.

Now imagine those two women standing in the same ocean as adults.

One says, I just followed the plan.
The other is struggling to stay afloat.

Calling that second woman undisciplined or a victim completely misses the point.

They did not start from the same place.

Why willpower fails when capacity is low

Emotional eating is not a lack of discipline.

It is often a sign that your nervous system is already depleted.

When your system is bracing, tense, and living in survival mode, going into a calorie deficit or following rigid food rules can feel like a threat.

For some women, it does not just feel hard.
It feels physically painful.

Muscles tighten.
Cortisol spikes.
The body braces.

Food then becomes the fastest way to regulate.

Not because you are broken, but because your system is doing exactly what it learned to do to survive.

Food is not the problem

It is the solution your body found

If food has been your circuit breaker, your comfort, or your way to cope at the end of a long day, this episode is an invitation to stop shaming yourself.

Food was never the problem.

It was doing a job.

And until your system has another way to feel safe, soothed, or supported, taking food away will only increase the pressure.

That is why so many women end up on a stop start cycle of plans, rules, and self blame.

Nothing changes because the root has not been addressed.

Emotional eating changes when support is added

Emotional eating does not stop when you just change what you eat.

It changes when you change what food is doing for you.

That means working with the protectors behind the eating.
Meeting the younger parts that never got the support they needed.
Building safety, capacity, and connection from the inside out.

This is not about controlling harder.

It is about finally giving your system what it has been asking for.

You can give yourself the support you never had

One of the most important messages in this episode is this.

You can put the support in place now.

You can be the one who gives yourself the swimming lessons.
The floaties.
The gradual progression from survival to safety.

When your system no longer feels like it is drowning, food no longer needs to play the role it once did.

And that is where real, lasting change happens.

About this work

This episode also speaks to why I created my 12 week one on one emotional eating therapy journey, Release and Reclaim.

This work is about going beneath behavior and working with the exact parts of your system that are driving emotional eating patterns.

Not through rules.
Not through pressure.
But through safety, attunement, and real support.

If you want to learn more, you’ll find the details in the show notes.

If this episode landed for you, take a moment to reflect on this question.

What has food been doing for me that nothing else has been able to do yet?

There is no right answer. Only curiosity.

This podcast is for educational and reflective purposes only and is not a substitute for therapy or healthcare. If this episode brought things up for you and you need support, please reach out to a trained therapy practitioner or health professional.

Episode 7: Why You Eat More When Your Nervous System Is Overwhelmed

Content note
This episode explores trauma, nervous system responses, emotional eating, and intergenerational patterns. Please read with care and take what feels supportive for you.

Listen to Episode 7

There are things your body does that can feel confusing, extreme, or too much.

Anxiety that appears out of nowhere.
A sudden urge to eat even when you’re not hungry.
Shutdown, urgency, people pleasing, overwhelm, collapse.

And when these patterns show up, the most common question women ask is
What is wrong with me?

In this episode, I want to gently turn that question on its head.

Because what if nothing is wrong at all.
What if your nervous system is actually trying to finish something.

The nervous system is not designed to keep you calm

There’s a lot of conversation online about calming your nervous system, as if calm is the goal.

But the nervous system is not designed to keep you calm.
It is designed to keep you alive.

Fight, flight, freeze, and fawn are not signs of dysfunction. They are signs of intelligence. Your system responding exactly as it was designed to when something once felt unsafe, overwhelming, or unpredictable.

Calm is not the goal. Safety is.

And calm is a byproduct of safety.

What happens when survival responses can’t finish

In a healthy system, survival responses complete themselves.

If you watch animals in nature, when a threat passes, they shake, discharge energy, and return to regulation. The process finishes.

Humans often do not get this luxury.

Especially as children.

When you are small and dependent on caregivers for survival, you cannot fight or flee. If the environment itself is the source of stress, danger, or emotional overwhelm, your system adapts in other ways.

Freeze.
Fawn.
Contain.
Hold.

Those responses keep you safe at the time. But the survival energy does not disappear.

It gets stored.

In muscles.
In breath.
In the jaw.
In the gut.
In the nervous system.

And unfinished survival responses do not go away.
They get carried.

Sometimes for decades.
Sometimes across generations.

When the body carries what was never yours

Many women are not only carrying their own unfinished stress responses.

They are carrying their mother’s.
Their grandmother’s.
Their family system’s.

This often shows up as hyper responsibility, emotional vigilance, people pleasing, high functioning, never needing help, never wanting to be a burden.

As children, we instinctively know our survival depends on our caregivers. So we become whatever the system needs us to be.

The problem is, your body may still be trying to regulate a system that is no longer yours.

And when the load gets too heavy, food often steps in.

Not because food is the problem.
But because it was available when nothing else was.

How food becomes a way to finish the loop

Food can act as a way to soothe, contain, discharge, or bring relief when the nervous system has been holding too much for too long.

It might give you a moment to breathe at the end of the day.
A sense of being held when you never learned how to rest.
A way to feel something when freeze has created numbness.
A release for anger that was never allowed to be expressed.

This is not about willpower or discipline.

This is about a system doing the best it can with the tools it has.

Why insight alone doesn’t change these patterns

You cannot complete a nervous system response through understanding alone.

Completion happens in the body.

Through movement.
Through sensation.
Through trembling, shaking, crying, pushing, breathing, releasing.

This is why so many self aware women feel frustrated. They understand their patterns intellectually, but their bodies are still holding unfinished energy.

Listening to your body can feel impossible when your system has never felt safe enough to be listened to.

Sometimes the symptoms get louder not because you are failing, but because your capacity is lower and your system is asking for attention.

Your body is not broken

It is trying to finish something

When anger erupts unexpectedly.
When emotional eating intensifies.
When shutdown or overwhelm takes over.

These are not flaws.

They are signals.

Your nervous system trying to complete what was never allowed to finish.

And when you can meet these responses with attunement instead of judgment, something begins to soften.

A gentle moment of attunement

If you noticed anything arise while reading this, a tight chest, a lump in your throat, a pull toward food, pause for a moment.

You do not need to fix it.

You might simply place a hand on your body and acknowledge
I see you. I know you are trying to finish something. You are not alone.

This is not positive thinking.
This is nervous system attunement.

And it is part of the healing.

Food was never the enemy

Food did not create these patterns.

Food carried you when nothing else could.

And when your system begins to feel supported, resourced, and safe enough, it no longer needs food to play that role.

Change does not come through more control.
It comes through capacity.

About this work

This episode speaks to the deeper nervous system foundation behind emotional eating and why lasting change requires more than insight.

If you are wanting 2026 to look different, not because you are controlling harder, but because your system finally feels supported, my 12 week one on one emotional eating therapy journey, Release and Reclaim, is open.

You’ll find the link in the show notes.

This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for therapy or medical care. If this episode brings things up for you and you need support, please reach out to a trained therapy practitioner or qualified health professional.

Episode 6: Why Emotional Eating Happens (It’s Not Just Willpower)

Content Note:
This episode explores emotional eating, nervous system responses, and protective patterns. Please read with care and take what feels supportive for you.

Listen to Episode 6

Emotional eating gets talked about like it’s one behaviour with one cause.

It isn’t.

And this oversimplification is one of the biggest reasons women stay stuck in cycles of food noise, control, rebound eating, and shame.

In this episode, I want to slow this right down and bring some nuance back into the conversation. Because food doesn’t play one role in your life. It plays many. And understanding which role food is playing matters far more than trying to stop or fix your eating.

Food plays different roles at different times

Food can be nourishment.
Food can be regulation.
Food can be comfort.
Food can be relief.
Food can be distraction.
Food can be neutral.
And sometimes food is just food.

The problem isn’t that food plays roles.

The problem is when food becomes the only place those needs get met.

And for many women, that makes complete sense.

We live in a culture of chronic disconnection, high output, emotional responsibility, and very little true rest or attunement. When food becomes the most reliable source of relief, your system adapts accordingly.

That isn’t failure.
That’s intelligence.

Emotional eating through an Internal Family Systems lens

From an Internal Family Systems perspective, different parts of you turn to food for different reasons.

You might have a soothing or comfort eating part that shows up at night, when the day finally stops and there’s a moment to exhale.

You might have a regulating part that uses food to bring your nervous system down when everything feels too much.

You might have numbing parts that eat when there are emotions that have never had space to be felt.

None of these parts are bad.

They are adaptive.

They found something that worked in environments where there were very few options.

Not all emotional eating is a problem

This distinction matters.

Not all eating that feels emotional needs analysing or fixing.

Sometimes you want a hot chocolate on a cold night because you want to feel warm and cosy. You enjoy it. You move on.

That is food being food.

That is nourishment in context.

Suffering tends to arise when food is carrying everything. When it is the only place your system gets comfort, relief, rest, or permission to slow down.

And this is where many women try to remove food from the equation without adding anything else in.

Which puts your system into deprivation.

Why control backfires

When food has been your primary regulator and it suddenly gets taken away, your system will respond.

This is why you can follow plans, understand your patterns intellectually, and still unravel weeks later.

A controlling part steps in and tries to manage things through rules, restriction, and being “good.”

But control increases tension.

Slowly.
Quietly.
Cumulatively.

Eventually another part steps in and says, I can’t do this anymore.

This is often the rebel part. The part that snaps. The part that binge eats or goes further than you intended.

Nothing has gone wrong.

Your system is trying to restore balance.

Food neutrality isn’t something you think your way into

Food neutrality is not something you decide to have.

It emerges when your system feels safe.

When nourishment is consistent across more than one area of your life. Not just food, but rest, support, connection, care, and capacity.

Food neutrality looks like eating without bargaining.

No moralising.
No compensating.
No tracking worthiness.

You eat.
You enjoy.
You notice.
You move on.

For many women, this feels impossible right now. And that makes sense when food has carried you for a long time.

Start asking a different question

Instead of asking
How do I stop emotionally eating?

Try asking
What role is food playing for me right now?

When does it show up?
What does it give me in that moment?
What might I actually be needing that I’m not getting elsewhere?

This isn’t about judging your answers.

It’s about information.

And information is how attunement begins.

Emotional eating is a system, not a flaw

Emotional eating isn’t one behaviour.
It isn’t one part.
It isn’t random.

It’s a conversation happening inside your system.

A loop.

Like a riverbed that formed over time because it worked.

You don’t stop water by standing in front of it and telling it not to flow. You create alternative pathways. You build capacity. You add support.

And sometimes, when life floods, the old riverbed gets used again.

That doesn’t mean you’ve failed.
It means life got heavier.

Compassion changes everything

One of the first things I work with in emotional eating is the inner critic. Because shame keeps these loops alive.

When the critic softens, everything else does too.

You gain more internal space.
More capacity.
More honesty about where support is needed.

Emotional eating shifts not through control, but through respect for the complexity of your system.

Nothing about your eating behaviours is random.

This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for therapy or medical care. If this episode brings things up for you and you need support, please reach out to a trained therapy practitioner or qualified health professional.

Episode 5: Food Noise Explained - Why Your Brain Won’t Stop Thinking About Food

Content Note:
This episode explores emotional eating, food noise, nervous system capacity, and protective patterns. Please read with care and take what feels supportive.

Listen to Episode 5

If food feels loud for you, it isn’t a discipline issue.

And it isn’t something wrong with your body.

Food noise increases when your system is under strain.

Too many decisions.
Too much responsibility.
Not enough rest.
Not enough support.

When capacity drops, parts of you look for relief wherever they can find it.

What food noise actually is

When people talk about food noise, they’re usually describing the constant mental chatter around food.

What to eat.
What not to eat.
Whether you deserve to eat.
Whether you should eat now or later.
Whether you need to compensate, restrict, exercise more, or “be good.”

This can spiral into overeating, bingeing, or that familiar screw it moment where a rebel part takes over.

But food noise is rarely about food.

It’s about capacity.

How much your nervous system is holding.
How many decisions you’re making.
How many of your needs are unmet.
How much responsibility you’re carrying without support.

High functioning doesn’t mean high capacity

Many high functioning women live at the edge of their capacity and call it normal.

You get up rushed.
You’re making lunches, replying to emails, squeezing in workouts on minimal sleep.
You’re swallowing frustration, resentment, and exhaustion all day.
You say “it’s fine” when it isn’t.

And because you’re capable, the world assumes you’ve got it handled.

But your nervous system is wired.

And when it’s been running like that for weeks, months, or years, something inside eventually says
I can’t keep doing this.

That bone deep exhaustion isn’t weakness.
It’s a signal.

Why food becomes louder when capacity drops

Food reliably does something for your nervous system.

It slows things down.
It grounds you.
It offers relief.
It gives sensation when you’re numb.
It interrupts constant pressure.

For many women, food becomes the only place they’re allowed to stop.

Through an Internal Family Systems lens, parts of you learned early on that food was an accessible, dependable way to regulate. And it worked.

Those parts don’t disappear because you understand nutrition or start a new plan. They respond to what your system can tolerate.

Capacity changes across seasons of life

What worked for you once may not work now.

There are seasons where meal prepping feels grounding.
And seasons where cooking one meal feels unbearable.

There are times when structure helps.
And times when structure becomes another demand.

Capacity shifts across life. Hormones change. Responsibilities grow. Mental health fluctuates.

And yet we expect ourselves to function the same way we did ten or twenty years ago.

When you try to apply the same strategy to a depleted nervous system, food noise often gets worse, not better.

The emotional layer underneath food noise

Food noise often gets louder when emotions don’t have space to be felt.

Grief that never pauses long enough to surface.
Sadness that only appears at night.
Resentment from swallowing your needs all day.
Loneliness that doesn’t have anywhere to land.

If food is the only place you’re allowed to feel or soften, of course it gets loud.

That isn’t failure.
That’s your system asking for support.

Reducing food noise is about support, not control

Food noise doesn’t quiet when you “get it right.”

It softens when your system feels held.

That might look like more structure in one season.
Less structure in another.
More rest.
More help.
Fewer decisions.
More consistent nourishment.
More emotional support.

Sometimes the most supportive thing you can do is let go of the belief that you should be able to handle more.

And sometimes, the most accessible starting point is this:

Move half a second slower.

You don’t need to change your life or drop responsibilities. Just move internally half a second slower.

That tiny shift creates space to ask
What do I need right now?

And when you can offer even a little of that, food doesn’t have to work so hard.

This work starts with curiosity, not fixing

If you don’t know what you need anymore, that makes sense. Especially if you’ve spent years overriding yourself.

This isn’t about getting it right.

It’s about becoming curious.

Food noise is information.
A signal from your system.
An invitation to meet yourself where you are.

This podcast is for education and reflection only. It is not a substitute for therapy or healthcare. If this episode brought things up for you and you need support, please reach out to a trained therapy practitioner or health professional.

Episode 4: The Trauma Beneath the Binges

Content Note:
This episode includes discussion of binge eating, panic, and early childhood trauma. Please listen and read with care, and take what feels supportive for you.

Listen to Episode 4

For years, I believed my night-time bingeing was a discipline problem.
Something I should be able to control if I just tried harder.

But the truth was far more confronting and far more compassionate.

This episode shares the story of a pattern I couldn’t stop.
Waking in the night in full panic.
Racing to the kitchen.
Eating with an urgency that felt completely out of my control.

What finally changed everything wasn’t another strategy, plan, or mindset shift.

It was uncovering the trauma my body had been faithfully remembering and protecting me from for decades.

When bingeing feels hijacking and out of control

For years, I would wake after being asleep for only an hour or two.

I didn’t wake slowly. I woke in full body panic.

My heart pounding.
Adrenaline flooding my system.
A sensation like I couldn’t breathe.

There was no conscious decision to eat.
No thought process.

My body would move before my mind could catch up.

I would race to the kitchen and binge with an urgency so intense it felt like someone else had taken over my body. I wasn’t choosing it. I wasn’t aware in the way people describe “giving in.”

It felt like being hijacked.

I tried everything to stop it.
Locking doors.
Putting notes on the fridge.
Taping my mouth shut.
Hypnotherapy.
Sleeping tablets.
Self compassion.
Self punishment.

Nothing worked.

What made it worse was that during the day, I had everything together. I functioned. I worked. I showed up. I was capable.

So the story in my head became brutal.

What is wrong with me
Why can’t I stop
Why can I control everything else but not this

What my body was actually remembering

Years later, during training, a memory surfaced unexpectedly.

Not a story memory. A body memory.

A memory from when I was a baby.

Something frightening and overwhelming had happened while I was sleeping. Something a baby’s nervous system could not process or resolve.

What mattered most wasn’t just the event itself, but what happened next.

When I later worked with this through an Internal Family Systems lens, I connected with the part of me responsible for the night-time eating. Not to stop it, but to understand it.

That part showed me what happened after the trauma.

I was fed to calm me down.

And suddenly, everything made sense.

My body had learned something very early.

Wake in terror.
Eat.
Calm down.
Survive.

The panic.
The urgency.
The racing heart.
The eating.

It wasn’t random.

It was a perfect reenactment of an unfinished survival response.

Why bingeing is often about survival, not food

This wasn’t self sabotage.
It wasn’t addiction.
It wasn’t a lack of willpower.

It was my nervous system doing exactly what it had learned would keep me alive.

Through an IFS lens, bingeing in moments like this isn’t about food at all. It’s about regulation. It’s about safety. It’s about a protector part stepping in during perceived threat.

My body wasn’t betraying me.
It was protecting me.

Once I understood this, I stopped trying to shut the behaviour down. I stopped fighting it. I stopped trying to control it.

Instead, I met it.

I offered the safety that part had been desperately trying to create.

And slowly, the binges stopped.

Not because I controlled harder.
Not because I fixed food.
But because the job was no longer needed.

What healing actually looked like

For a while, I still woke in the night.

My body would tremble.
My chest would pound.

But instead of racing to the kitchen, I placed a hand on my heart.
I reminded myself I was safe.
Sometimes I imagined holding the baby version of me.

I let my body shake.
I let the energy move.
I let the response complete.

The eating stopped, but more importantly, the fear softened.

That space changed everything.

If this resonates for you

If your eating ever feels hijacking, urgent, or out of control, please hear this.

Your body is not broken.
You are not weak.
You are not failing.

Your system may be remembering something it never got to finish.

And more control will never resolve that.

Only safety will.

A gentle reflection

If something landed while reading this, you might ask yourself:

What does my body reach for when it feels unsafe
What might this behaviour be protecting me from
What does this part actually need from me now

There is no blame in these questions. Only information.

This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for therapy or medical care. If this episode brought things up for you and you need support, please reach out to a qualified therapy practitioner or health professional.

Episode 3: When Your Body Remembers Why the Holidays Can Trigger Old Patterns With Food

Content Note:
This episode discusses emotional eating, family dynamics, trauma responses, and nervous system activation during the holidays. Please read and listen with care, and take what feels supportive for you.

Listen to Episode 3

The holidays don’t create emotional eating.
They reveal it.

For many women, December arrives and something quietly shifts. Your body feels tighter. Your sleep changes. Food thoughts get louder. Old patterns you thought you’d outgrown suddenly reappear.

And on the surface, nothing looks wrong.

Your life might feel stable. You might be doing well. You might even be looking forward to the break.

So the question becomes
Why now?

This episode is about why the holidays can activate emotional eating and nervous system responses that don’t seem to make sense until you understand how the body remembers.

Why the holidays can feel like a nervous system overload

Let’s start with the obvious.

The holiday season often comes with more pressure, not less.

More work before the break.
More financial stress.
More social events.
More family time.
More expectations.
Less sleep.
Less downtime.

Even when it’s meant to be joyful, the nervous system often experiences December as prolonged stress.

When your system is under sustained pressure for weeks at a time, it naturally becomes more alert and braced. There’s less internal space. Less capacity. Less room to process emotions.

In that state, food can become a fast and reliable way to regulate.

To calm.
To numb.
To feel something.
To feel less.
To get relief.

Before we even bring trauma into the picture, the holidays can already be a perfect storm for emotional eating.

How the body remembers what the mind forgets

Here’s where it goes deeper.

Trauma research shows us that the body remembers experiences even when the conscious mind doesn’t. Dates, seasons, smells, music, environments, and family settings can all act as cues that reactivate old nervous system responses.

Not as memories.
As sensations.

You might feel anxious without knowing why.
Tight in your chest or throat at a family gathering.
Irritable, on edge, or shut down.
Drawn to food in ways that feel confusing or familiar.

This is implicit memory. The body remembers how something felt, even without a story attached.

And for many people, the holidays were not neutral growing up.

They may have been unpredictable.
Emotionally charged.
Marked by financial stress.
Alcohol use.
Arguments or silence.
Criticism around food or bodies.
Feeling alone in a house full of people.

Your adult mind might say
That was years ago
It wasn’t that bad
Other people had it worse

But your nervous system learned something important during those times.

And it remembers.

When family dynamics reactivate old survival roles

For many women, the holidays activate roles learned early in life.

The good girl.
The peacekeeper.
The one who holds it all together.
The one who doesn’t need too much.

You might find yourself organising everything.
Managing emotions.
Swallowing comments.
Saying yes when you mean no.
Keeping the peace at your own expense.

This is exhausting.

And later, when the day finally ends, another part steps in.

The comfort eater.
The rebel.
The part that says “fuck it.”

Not because you lack discipline.
But because your system is overloaded.

From an Internal Family Systems lens, none of these parts are sabotaging you. They are using the templates they learned long ago to keep you safe and functioning.

Emotional eating in these moments is not failure.
It’s strategy.

Why food often gets louder during the holidays

Food becomes louder when your system doesn’t feel supported.

When emotions are swallowed.
When needs aren’t met.
When capacity is exceeded.

Food can soothe.
It can rebel against perfectionism.
It can create relief.
It can interrupt stress.

If you’ve spent the whole day being “good,” holding everything together, keeping everyone comfortable, it makes complete sense that something in you wants release.

This is not weakness. It’s nervous system intelligence.

What to do instead of adding more rules

I’m not going to give you holiday food rules. You already have enough of those.

Instead, start by gently naming your experience.

You might reflect on questions like
When I think about the holidays as a child, my body remembers
The atmosphere in my house at this time of year felt like

You don’t need to force answers. Let your body respond.

When something comes up, place a hand on your heart. That simple gesture communicates safety to your nervous system. It lets the activated part know it’s not alone anymore.

You can also begin to notice which parts are running the show
The good girl
The peacekeeper
The perfectionist
The comfort eater
The rebel

Naming parts creates space. It reduces shame. It reminds you that this is not all of you. It’s a part of you doing a job.

And sometimes, the most regulating thing you can do is lower the internal pressure. Loosen rigid rules. Choose softness over perfection. Especially if perfection sends your system straight into overwhelm.

A different way of understanding holiday triggers

If food gets louder during the holidays, it doesn’t mean you’re regressing.

It means your body remembers.

And those parts deserve curiosity, not criticism.

When they feel supported, seen, and met with compassion, they don’t have to work so hard anymore.

That’s what becoming self led looks like.
Not controlling harder.
But listening deeper.

This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for therapy or medical care. If this episode brought things up for you and you need support, please reach out to a trained therapy practitioner or qualified health professional.

Episode 2: Why Food Gets Loud When You’re Holding Everything Together

Content Note:
This podcast episode and accompanying blog post are for educational and informational purposes only. They are not intended as a substitute for therapy, mental health treatment, or medical advice. If you are experiencing distress or feel you need additional support, please seek guidance from a qualified therapy practitioner or healthcare professional.

Listen to Episode 2

Emotional eating isn’t a lack of discipline.
And it’s not because you don’t know better.

In fact, the women who struggle most with food noise are often the most capable, self-aware, and high-functioning people in the room.

They’re the ones holding everything together.

In this episode of The Self-Led Woman, we explore why food so often becomes loud when your life looks organised on the outside, but your system is stretched thin on the inside. Through a nervous system and Internal Family Systems lens, this conversation unpacks what’s actually happening beneath emotional eating, especially when it shows up at night, after a full day of coping.

The Cost of Being High-Functioning

If you’re someone who gets things done, keeps things moving, and rarely drops the ball, your days are likely full. Morning routines are rushed. Meals are eaten on the run or forgotten altogether. Work, family, responsibilities, and expectations stack up, and rest is something you tell yourself you’ll get to later.

From the outside, it looks like you’re coping.

Inside, your nervous system may be running on urgency and drive. This isn’t balance. It’s mobilisation. It’s the flight response dressed up as productivity.

In this state, there’s no real pause. No space to check in with yourself. No moment to ask what you need.

And when a system stays mobilised all day, it eventually looks for relief.

What IFS Helps Us See

Through an Internal Family Systems lens, emotional eating begins to make sense.

During the day, manager parts are in charge. These are the planners, organisers, and responsible parts of you that keep everything running smoothly. They anticipate problems, manage other people’s needs, and believe that if everything is handled, nothing bad will happen.

These parts are intelligent and deeply protective. They’ve likely been running your life for a long time.

But underneath them is often a much younger part of you. A part that learned early on that being capable was safer than being needy. That being helpful earned approval. That slowing down or expressing emotion wasn’t welcome.

That part is still there. And she still needs care.

When Food Becomes Relief

By the time evening arrives and expectations finally drop, your system has been holding a lot.

This is often when another kind of protector steps in. In Internal Family Systems, we call these firefighter parts. Their job isn’t long-term planning or discipline. Their job is immediate relief.

Food does that job well.

It brings sensation. It softens the nervous system. It interrupts pressure, numbness, or emotional overload. For a moment, you feel something other than responsibility.

This isn’t indulgence. It’s regulation.

And when emotional eating is the only place where your system is allowed to stop, of course it becomes louder.

Why Control Doesn’t Work

After that moment of relief, the manager parts often return with shame. An inner critic may step in. A perfectionist may promise to be better tomorrow.

But stricter rules don’t resolve this cycle. They often make it worse.

When there’s been no attunement during the day, discipline collapses at night. Not because you’re failing, but because your system has been carrying too much without support.

This isn’t a food problem. It’s a capacity problem.

A Different Question to Ask

Instead of asking, How do I stop emotionally eating?
Try asking:

What has my system been holding together all day?

And gently, without forcing an answer:

When did I learn that I had to do this all alone?

These questions open a door to understanding rather than control. They invite curiosity instead of shame.

Because when the burden your system has been carrying is finally witnessed with care, food doesn’t need to do so much work anymore.

Episode 1: I Thought My Body Was the Problem

Content Note:
This podcast episode and accompanying blog post are for educational and informational purposes only. They are not intended as a substitute for therapy, mental health treatment, or medical advice. If you are experiencing distress or feel you need additional support, please seek guidance from a qualified therapy practitioner or healthcare professional.

Listen to Episode 1

For most of my life, I believed my body was the problem.

Not in a dramatic, obvious way.
Not in a way I could easily name.

It lived underneath everything. Quiet. Unquestioned.
Shaping how I ate, how I moved, how I looked at myself, and how much peace I felt in my own skin.

I didn’t trust my body.
I didn’t trust food.
And I didn’t trust myself.

I believed food was either good or bad. That the bad kind made me anxious. That if I wasn’t careful, everything would fall apart. And that if I could just get control over my eating and my body, I would finally be okay.

This episode is about how that belief formed, how it kept me trapped in cycles of restriction and bingeing for decades, and what began to shift when I stopped fighting my body and started listening to it.

Growing Up Believing My Body Needed Fixing

I had been on some form of diet since primary school. Saying that out loud now still feels confronting, but at the time it didn’t feel strange. It felt normal.

Diet culture was everywhere. Bodies were constantly commented on. Thinness was praised. Self-control was admired. Hunger was something to override. Pleasure was something you earned or punished yourself for later.

I learned early to scan my body in the mirror, especially my stomach. To weigh myself. To decide whether it was going to be a good day or a bad day based on what I saw.

Food took up an enormous amount of mental space. What I’d eaten. What I shouldn’t have eaten. Whether I needed to make up for it tomorrow. Whether I was allowed to eat more later. Constant bargaining. Constant noise.

I didn’t see this as self-destructive. It was just my routine.

When Control Turns Into a War

As I got older, the cycle intensified. Restriction led to bingeing. Bingeing led to harder restriction. More rules. More discipline. More punishment through exercise.

In Internal Family Systems, we call this a polarisation. Two parts of the system locked in a tug-of-war. The harder one pulls, the harder the other pulls back.

At the height of this, in my mid to late twenties, something deeply confusing happened. The more disordered my eating became, the more I was praised. People told me how good I looked. How disciplined I was. How “good” I was for saying no to food.

What they didn’t see was the chaos in my mind. The food noise. The pressure. The eventual snap that always came.

I genuinely believed if I could just stop bingeing, everything would be fixed. I thought the binge was the problem.

I couldn’t see yet that the restriction was creating it.

The Moment I Knew Something Was Wrong

One morning, after weeks of extreme restriction and intense workouts, I woke at four a.m. and drove into the city to go for a long run in the dark.

I was trying to burn off a binge. Trying to outrun the shame I felt like I was drowning in.

And as I ran, I started crying.
And I said out loud, “I fucking hate myself.”

That was the moment I knew I needed help.

I went back to therapy. I did everything “right.” I gained insight. I understood my patterns. But the war with my body didn’t end. A part of me still believed control was the answer.

What I didn’t yet understand was that emotional eating isn’t logical. And it can’t be fixed with another plan, another set of rules, or more discipline.

There was something underneath all of it that wanted my attention.

When Everything Began to Shift

Years later, after a long healing journey, something finally softened.

I began to see how aggressive I had been towards myself. How violent my inner critic was. How my body had been trying to protect me from something I wasn’t ready to feel.

Food had been a strategy.
A form of regulation.
A solution for a nervous system that didn’t feel safe.

And one morning, after a profound healing experience, I stood in front of the mirror and didn’t scan my body. I didn’t criticise it. I didn’t tell myself I needed to fix anything.

I cried.
And I said, “I am so sorry for every mean thing I’ve ever said to you.”

That wasn’t a moment of being “healed.”
But it was the end of the war.

What This Means for You

If food feels loud in your life.
If you’re constantly negotiating with yourself.
If you’re trapped in cycles of control, guilt, and relief.

There is nothing wrong with you.
And there is nothing wrong with your body.

What’s missing isn’t willpower.
It’s a felt sense of safety.

This episode sets the foundation for everything that follows. We’ll explore emotional eating, the nervous system, trauma, and the parts of you that learned to cope in the only ways they knew how.

Because this was never really about food.
And it was never really about your body.

And if that’s true for me, it may be true for you too.