If You Healed Your Trauma, You’d Solve 99% of the Problems You’re Carrying
Most women I work with don’t come to me saying, “I have trauma.”
They come saying things like:
“Why do I keep sabotaging myself?”
“Why can’t I stop scrolling at night instead of doing the things I say I want to do?”
“Why do I explode at my partner and then feel guilty after?”
“Why does my body feel so heavy and tense when all my blood tests are fine?”
Here is the truth: there is actually nothing wrong with you.
You are not broken. You are not weak.
You are carrying survival strategies that once kept you safe.
But those same strategies: procrastination, people-pleasing, emotional suppression, tension in your body are now running the show.
And until you heal them, you will keep circling the same loops.
Healing is the shortcut.
Because when your system finally feels safe, you stop bracing against your own body, you stop blowing up at the people you love, you stop suppressing emotions you have been burying for years. You learn how to feel again.
Self-Sabotage: Why Willpower Isn’t Working
You decide tonight is the night you’ll finally make progress on your side hustle.
You get home from work, exhausted. You tell yourself you’ll just sit on the couch for five minutes. Phone in hand. Scroll for a bit.
Next thing you know, Netflix is running in the background, you are still scrolling, and an hour and a half has disappeared. You are too tired to start.
Cue the inner critic: “You’re lazy. You’ll never change.”
Here’s the truth: that is not laziness.
That is your nervous system.
Look at the cycle:
Self Sabbotage Loop
A pressuring part kicks in (“you should get this done tonight or you’re falling behind”).
You white-knuckle with willpower until you are overwhelmed.
The Rebel steps in (“screw it, I deserve a break”).
You procrastinate or scroll.
Then the inner critic attacks.
Shame spiral.
You cannot bully yourself out of this loop.
Because each part thinks it is protecting you, from failure, from rejection, from not being enough. Until each of those parts are worked with and feel safe to let go, you will keep circling.
Money: It’s Not About the Budget
You tell yourself you just need to stick to the spreadsheet.
Spend less. Earn more.
But deep down, money still feels… unsafe. Or maybe saving feels like you’re being starved or restricted in some way. Maybe spending money causes you to feel anxious.
Like when you tap your card at the grocery store and feel a rush of anxiety even though you know you’ve got the money.
Or when someone offers to pay for dinner and you instantly blurt, “I’ll get the next one.”
Or when you finally buy yourself something nice and instantly feel guilty, as if you’ve done something wrong.
That is not poor budgeting.
That is your nervous system replaying an old story.
Maybe your mum sighed every time the groceries were totaled.
Maybe you overheard late-night arguments about bills.
Maybe you stopped asking for things because you didn’t want to be “a burden.”
Your body made the link: money = danger. Asking = unsafe.
So now, no matter how stable you are on paper, it still doesn’t feel safe to receive.
This is why money affirmations or manifesting practices can fall flat.
You can say “I’m abundant” a hundred times, but if a younger part of you still believes receiving is selfish or dangerous, you will keep sabotaging or shrinking.
Relationships: It’s Not About Him (It’s About the Wound)
Take my client, “Sally.” On the surface, her issue looked like constant fights with her partner. Underneath, she had a deeply entrenched people-pleasing part.
She stayed “cool,” never voiced her needs, swallowed her resentment… until she blew up.
“You never make me a priority. It’s always your work, your friends, everything else first!”
Her partner got defensive, given he was a little shocked at the anger behind it. She felt rejected. And then the old story “my needs are too much” locked back in.
Here’s what was really happening: she grew up as the “good girl.” Helpful. Low-maintenance. Praised for not needing much.
That part of her was still running the show.
Until we healed it, she was stuck in the loop of never speaking up.
Once she could voice her needs calmly before resentment built, everything shifted. Her partner could finally meet her because he knew what she needed and he was happy to do so because he also wanted the same thing.
It wasn’t about him.
It was about the wound.
The Body Remembers What the Mind Doesn’t
Trauma doesn’t just live in your thoughts. It lodges in your body.
And your body will keep sending signals until it feels safe again.
Here’s how it often shows up:
Chronic muscle tension
Your jaw is tight by the time you wake up because you’ve been clenching all night. Your shoulders feel like rocks even after a massage. You roll your neck in meetings, trying to loosen that knot that never really goes away.
Metaphysically, this is your body bracing, staying hypervigilant, like it’s waiting for something to go wrong. It’s not “bad posture.” It’s a survival strategy your nervous system has not released.Digestive issues
You finish lunch and your stomach immediately bloats, even though it was a “healthy” meal. You sit down to relax after work and suddenly feel nauseous. You keep peppermint tea in your bag “just in case.”
On the emotional level, the gut is where we carry “what I can’t digest.” Unspoken stress. Unfelt emotions. Times you were told “don’t make a fuss.” Your body learned to hold instead of release.Chronic fatigue
You wake up already tired. Coffee gets you moving, but by mid-afternoon you are dragging. On weekends, you want to do something fun, but the thought of leaving the couch feels impossible.
This is not just “being busy.” It is years of over-functioning, people-pleasing, and carrying everyone else’s load. The body is whispering: “I can’t keep running at this pace.”Unexplained pain
Your lower back aches after a day at your desk, even though your scans are fine. You get pelvic pain before your period that feels deeper than hormones. Your hips feel like they are carrying bricks.
Research calls it “somatisation”, emotional pain stored in the body. Metaphysically, back pain often ties to “feeling unsupported.” Pelvic pain can connect to shame, boundaries, or body memories. Hips carry “unmoved forward” energy = places you have felt stuck.Migraines and headaches
You hold it together all week, then Friday night a migraine takes you down. Or every time you finally sit down after a long day, a tension headache creeps in. Painkillers help temporarily, but it keeps coming back.
On a deeper level, migraines are often linked to perfectionism, emotional suppression, and the pressure of holding it all together. They arrive when the body finally says: “enough.”Insomnia or restless sleep
You are exhausted, but the second your head hits the pillow your mind starts racing. You wake at 3am, wired but tired, staring at the ceiling. You try sleep teas, magnesium, apps, but nothing sticks.
This is not poor sleep hygiene. It is your nervous system stuck in hyper-alert. The body will not fully rest until it feels safe.Skin flares
Your skin breaks out right before an important event. Your eczema flares when work gets stressful. You’ve tried every cream, but stress is always the hidden trigger.
The skin is the body’s boundary. When stress pushes past what you can hold, it shows on the surface.Immune dysfunction
You catch every cold that goes around the office. Or your autoimmune symptoms flare whenever you are under pressure. It is not that you are “weak.” It is that chronic stress suppresses then dysregulates the immune system.
These are not random symptoms.
They are your body carrying what your mind has been suppressing.
Your jaw tension? That is the anger you never felt safe to express.
Your stomach issues? That is the grief and stress you have been swallowing.
Your migraines? That is the weight of perfectionism and being strong finally boiling over.
Your fatigue? That is decades of over-functioning and never exhaling.
When you finally heal what is underneath, the body does not need to keep screaming for your attention.
Healing Is the Shortcut
What looks like ten different problems, procrastination, money stress, relationship conflict, muscle tension, fatigue: all trace back to the same root: unresolved trauma.
That time you said you’d finally start on your side hustle but ended up scrolling on the couch all night?
That was not laziness. That was your nervous system protecting you from overwhelm.That sinking feeling when you tap your card, even though the money is there?
That was not being bad with money. That was your body remembering the stress of childhood.That fight with your partner where you exploded and then felt guilty?
That was not your needs being too much. That was an old wound being triggered.That jaw ache in the morning, the migraine on Friday night, the stomach bloat after a meal?
That was not random. That was your body carrying emotions you did not feel safe to express.
Here is the truth: there is actually nothing wrong with you.
You are carrying survival strategies that once kept you safe.
When you finally heal them, that is when life gets to feel free.
You stop bracing against your own body.
You stop blowing up at the people you love.
You stop suppressing emotions you have been holding in for years, and you finally learn how to feel them.
You start showing up to your work with clarity instead of second-guessing.
You start feeling safe receiving money, love, and support.
You start resting at night without your body holding guard duty.
This is why healing is the shortcut.
Because when your trauma heals, 99 percent of the problems you have been fighting against soften too.
Not because you forced yourself to be better.
But because your body, mind, and heart finally feel safe to live instead of just survive.