The Childhood Patterns Quietly Running Your Career, Confidence & Relationships
If you’re highly self-aware but still find yourself in the same emotional loops—overworking, people-pleasing, snapping at your partner, or questioning your worth—it’s not because you’re doing it wrong.
It’s because there’s an inner system at play that’s trying to protect you.
And until you work with it directly, those invisible patterns will keep showing up—at work, in your relationships, and in the way you relate to yourself.
So, what’s actually driving all this?
For many women, the answer lives in something called soul wounds—deep emotional imprints formed in childhood when key emotional needs weren’t met. They quietly shape how you see yourself, what you believe you deserve, and how safe you feel being seen, heard, and loved.
Let’s unpack these wounds, how they show up, and how Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy offers a way through that’s powerful, compassionate, and actually works.
What Are Soul Wounds (And Why Should You Care)?
Dr. Lise Bourbeau describes 5 primary soul wounds: Rejection, Abandonment, Humiliation, Betrayal, and Injustice. In IFS, we often see these wounds held by tender inner parts—while protective parts build entire identities around making sure you never feel that pain again.
But that protection? It often costs you your joy, your authenticity, and your peace.
How These Wounds Shape Your Life (Even If You're "Doing the Work")
💔 Rejection Wound
What it feels like: Never feeling “enough.” You overthink everything you say, dim your light, or strive to be perfect so no one can criticize you.
Protector parts: The People-Pleaser. The Perfectionist. The Over-Apologizer.
Cost: You silence yourself to be accepted—and lose your truth in the process.
💔 Abandonment Wound
What it feels like: Fear of being too much, or not enough. You chase closeness or avoid relationships entirely because connection feels unsafe.
Protector parts: The Over-Giver. The One Who Never Asks for Help. The Avoidant.
Cost: You give so much of yourself away, and still feel alone.
💔 Humiliation Wound
What it feels like: Deep shame around having needs. You hide your emotions, play it cool, or shrink in group settings.
Protector parts: The Invisible Self. The Self-Sabotager. The Quiet Observer.
Cost: You miss out on opportunities and connection by staying hidden.
💔 Betrayal Wound
What it feels like: Trust issues. You keep people at arm’s length or try to control outcomes to avoid disappointment.
Protector parts: The Control Freak. The Guarded One. The Skeptic.
Cost: Exhaustion from micromanaging everything and everyone.
💔 Injustice Wound
What it feels like: The constant need to “prove yourself.” You push harder than anyone else, but still feel unseen or unappreciated.
Protector parts: The Overachiever. The Hyper-Independent One.
Cost: Burnout. Bitterness. And a deep disconnection from joy.
Where These Wounds Sneak In
In Work:
You downplay your ideas.
You over-function and undercharge.
You fear being visible (but hate being overlooked).
In Relationships:
You suppress your needs.
You fear rejection so you avoid intimacy—or cling too tightly.
You get stuck in resentment, repeating old dynamics.
In Life:
You numb with food, scrolling, wine, or busyness.
You feel guilty resting—but also feel drained all the time.
You wonder, “Why can’t I just get over this already?”
The IFS Perspective: Why You’re Not Broken
IFS views all of these patterns as parts—well-meaning, protective aspects of your psyche trying to keep you safe. These parts aren’t the problem. In fact, they’re doing an incredible job of helping you survive what once felt unbearable.
But now? You're ready for more than just survival.
Healing with IFS Looks Like:
Meeting your parts with compassion.
Understanding what they’re protecting you from.
Going to the root wound—not just managing symptoms.
Unburdening the old pain—and showing your system it’s safe to live, love, and lead from your true Self.
What Happens When You Heal These Wounds?
You stop hustling for worthiness. You stop abandoning yourself to stay connected. You stop fearing your own needs and desires.
Instead, you:
Lead with confidence (without pretending to be perfect).
Set boundaries without guilt.
Rest without feeling like you're falling behind.
Choose aligned work, aligned relationships, and aligned ways of living.
Final Thoughts
You are not broken. You’re running a system that was built to keep you safe—and it’s just ready for an upgrade.
If you’re ready to finally get to the root of what’s holding you back, this is your invitation to go deeper.
✨ Start with Align—my foundational 4-week reset designed to help you calm the noise, reconnect to your Self, and begin releasing the emotional patterns you’ve outgrown.
💬 Not sure what you need? DM me or check out my “Work With Me” page to see which offer is right for where you're at in your healing.
You’re allowed to feel safe, whole, and free. Let’s make that your new normal.